Grammaw,

It was one year ago today that you left this earth.  The pain is just as strong as it was a year ago if I sit and think about it.  I think about and miss you all the time.  My thoughts are many times plagued by things that start with “I regret”, “I wish”, “I hope”, “If only”……I don’t know if those thoughts will ever go away.  I’m sure they’ll get better with time, but being only one year later it’s all still a little hard to cope with.  I try to make myself feel better by reassuring myself that I’ll get to see you again one day.  It’s just hard because that’s still (hopefully!) so far away.  I’m scared about over time forgetting things like what your laugh sounded like.  I’m glad I can always look at pictures to remind myself of just how beautiful your blue eyes were.  And I don’t want to forget what your hugs felt like.  Oh your hugs…..I can’t wait to one day get to feel your hugs again…..that kind of hug that only Grandma’s know how to give.  It makes me smile to just think about it.  And thinking about you does make me smile.  My thoughts aren’t always full of sadness.  I remember back on lots of memories with you.  I wish we could have made even more together.  There I go with that “I wish” thing again.  You were such an amazing Grandmother to my sister and me.  I couldn’t have asked for better.  And I know you’re up there looking down on me being a just as amazing angel.  There have been a few times this past year when I know you’ve kept me safe and I thank you so much for that.  There have been a few times when I’ve asked you to just help me to feel okay or to help me get through some things and I’ve always made it by feeling like you were there with me.  And on my birthday this year, I know that gorgeous sunset was a gift from you.  I look forward to going through this life of mine knowing I have an angel watching over me.  An angel with the most gorgeous blue eyes.

I love you forever,

Lauren

This helped me when you passed, and it still does to this day:

I shine in the light of God;

His likeness stamps my brow;

Through the Valley of Death my feet have trod

And I reign in glory now!

No breaking heart is here,

No keen and thrilling pain,

No wasted cheek where the frequent tear

Hath rolled and left its stain.

O friends of mortal years,

The trusted and the true,

Ye are watching still in the valley of tears

But I wait to welcome you.

Do I forget?  O no!

For memory’s golden chain

Shall bind my heart to the hearts below

Till they meet to touch again.

Each link is strong and bright,

And love’s electric flame

Flows freely down, like a river of light,

To the world from whence I came.

Do you mourn when another star

Shines out from the glittering sky?

Do you weep when the raging voice of war

And the storms of conflict die?

Then why should your tears run down,

And your hearts be sorely riven,

For another gem in the Saviour’s crown,

And another soul in Heaven?

Don’t mind the horrible cell phone picture…